Last year I decided to participate in My One Word, which is an alternative to the New Year's Resolution. It gives you one word, one focus, one goal for the year. Take a look at yourself, and take a look at the person that you want to become, the person that God intends for you to be. See what you look like as that person, and pick a word to help you get there.
I am participating again this year. My word for 2012 is "Joy".
I used to be such a joyful person. I would laugh so much, and would find the happiness in little things. I enjoyed being around friends and family, and enjoyed spending time alone. My thoughts and fears didn't haunt me; I had faith in the joy I found on a daily basis. I am not that person now. Some of my innocence about life is gone, I have experienced pain. I am finding my heart goes towards sorrow before joy. I am not the person that I was, nor the person that I feel I should be.
So this year I am focusing on re-finding my joy. I will rejoice in my husband, my daughter, my pups, my friends. I will smile more, laugh often, and try not to let people and situations get to me and get me down.
Psalm 188:24- This is the day which the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it
I have so much to rejoice and be glad for, things that I take for granted and do not recognize as such. To help myself with this, I commit to writing down a list of three things that I am thankful for each day, things that bring me joy. I will also commit to writing down three things that bring me down, pray about them, and release them and let go of their hold over me. By doing this, I pray that I learn to let go of the hurt, fear, anxiety and pain and to rejoice in all of the blessings that I am given-- big or small.
Today I find joy in:
-the sound of my daughter's laughter
-the snuggliness of my pups
-the hug of a friend, even when it's been a while since we last spoke
Today I pray to release:
-the hurt that I feel by being excluded in a place where I hoped to be accepted
-the anxiety I feel about Samantha not crawling
-the fear that I have about being an inadequate Mother
Looking at my list I realize how simple my joys are, and how "big" my items are that I am praying to let go of. Funny how that is; the bad stuff always seems so big and the joy seems so simple. I pray that by the end of the year, that focus is reversed!
I think that is a great choice of word hun - you have been through so much but God can restore that joy - He wants to!!
ReplyDeleteand about fears over Samantha crawling??!! will you stop listening to all these stepford wives lady - 8months is the average age for crawling and depending on the child it can be earlier or later - she is pefectly healthy - sitting up sturdy - she';ll do it when she's ready!! she's a preemie who had a traumatic birth and a stay in hospital plus recovery - she's doing a sterling job! my 6yr old nephew was born at 29 weeks, he barely ever cried, we got virtually no 'yapping' out of him until he was about 1yr old. he crawled and walked within the same month after he was one - he has a few issues but he's perfectly normal and growing at his own rate and recovering as he goes! each kid is different and she is in no way behind!! all things considered she is doing so great!
please dont be beating yourself up - she is amazing and you are doing such a good job!