Two years ago we were celebrating in the joy of a positive pregnancy test. My numbers were doubling, and my doctor told me to be hopeful regardless of the spotting that I was having. We were so ecstatic being pregnant "so quickly" after losing Hope the previous January. We picked out names, not caring if the baby was a boy or girl, just a healthy baby. I bought maternity pants as my regular jeans were already feeling snug. We told our family and several close friends of our big news.
We did not know that this pregnancy would be one that would add another inch of paper to my medical chart. We did not know that our precious child wasn't snuggled safely, but instead had implanted on my right ovary. We didn't know that the tightness of my pants wasn't due to my uterus expanding, but to bloating in my abdomen from the "ectopic pregnancy". We didn't know that this sweet child would have such a label. We didn't know that in just a few days we'd get the devastating, crushing news that our child was leaving us. That our precious Noah had gone on to join Hope in heaven.
Then would start the endless bloodwork. The bleeding for a month straight. The "bouncing HcG" results. The threat of methotrexate to "terminate the pregnancy". The prayers, oh the prayers, that sweet little Noah would "naturally" move on and that medicine and surgery wouldn't be needed. My arms looked like a drug addicts, my eyes were constantly red, and my heart was broken.
If anything can be found as a blessing in this, is that the loss of Noah is what brought me to a wonderful community of support called Hannah's Prayer. I found sisters there that I didn't know I needed, and friendships that I will treasure for a lifetime. Thank you, Noah, for your sweet little life, as short as it was, bringing Mommy to find a community such as this. Mommy misses you, precious little one, and look forward to the day that I meet you in heaven.
Heartbreaking and beautiful. Celebrating Noah's life with you...
ReplyDeleteRemembering Noah with you & celebrating his life. You are an amazing mother, Shannen, for the love you have for all four of your children.
ReplyDelete