Here's little miss Samantha, shot a few days ago with her proud Papa :)
I am still in such awe that we were blessed with this sweet child, and can not imagine our lives without her.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Four months
Four months ago our little miracle joined us. She has changed quite a bit from her first day of life. She's happy and active, vocal and playful. She has a hard-headed streak (no CLUE where that came from, tee hee hee) and is quite a fighter. She's a determined little girl who isn't afraid to share her opinion, even at this early age. She's an absolute joy and I thank God for her every day!
Here's little miss Samantha, shot a few days ago with her proud Papa :)
I am still in such awe that we were blessed with this sweet child, and can not imagine our lives without her.
Here's little miss Samantha, shot a few days ago with her proud Papa :)
I am still in such awe that we were blessed with this sweet child, and can not imagine our lives without her.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Living in limbo
Currently so many aspects of my life are being spent waiting. Waiting for the end of a work day, waiting for the weekend when I can really enjoy my little family. I really dislike wishing time away, as it makes me feel that I am ungrateful for every moment.
As I look inward (oh boy, introspection) I realize that I do have moments that I am not grateful for. I have moments when I am angry and resentful, or despairing and depressed in what is going on at that point in time. I forget to count my little blessings, and instead focus on what I DON'T have at that moment. Today is one of those times.
As I sit here listening to a never-ending conference call at work, I can hear my daughter upstairs with her nanny. While I do adore the nanny and know that she is taking fabulous care of my daughter, I am resentful that I am stuck here working. Resentful that someone other than me is playing with Samantha. Depressed at the poor choices that have led me to have to still work after Samantha's birth. I am angry and sad all at once.
As an exercise in "thinking" my way out of my funk and depression, I am trying to list out my blessings. I have a beautiful, healthy baby girl. I have a husband that loves me. I have two crazy fur-babies that entertain us with their antics. I have loving friends and family. I have a home that is safe and comfortable.
In the grand scheme of things, this is just a day. It's just a moment in time that will pass. I pray that I remember to be grateful, not angry, and enjoy every moment to the best of my ability.
As I look inward (oh boy, introspection) I realize that I do have moments that I am not grateful for. I have moments when I am angry and resentful, or despairing and depressed in what is going on at that point in time. I forget to count my little blessings, and instead focus on what I DON'T have at that moment. Today is one of those times.
As I sit here listening to a never-ending conference call at work, I can hear my daughter upstairs with her nanny. While I do adore the nanny and know that she is taking fabulous care of my daughter, I am resentful that I am stuck here working. Resentful that someone other than me is playing with Samantha. Depressed at the poor choices that have led me to have to still work after Samantha's birth. I am angry and sad all at once.
As an exercise in "thinking" my way out of my funk and depression, I am trying to list out my blessings. I have a beautiful, healthy baby girl. I have a husband that loves me. I have two crazy fur-babies that entertain us with their antics. I have loving friends and family. I have a home that is safe and comfortable.
In the grand scheme of things, this is just a day. It's just a moment in time that will pass. I pray that I remember to be grateful, not angry, and enjoy every moment to the best of my ability.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Baby Dedication Day
1 Samuel 1:27-28
27For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him:
28Therefore also I have lent him to the LORD; as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the LORD.
Samantha was dedicated to the Lord this past Sunday. Present were her grandparents, Auntie Patricia, and Dr. and Mrs. Litrel (the doctor who delivered Samantha). Here are a few photos from our day:
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Yes, I am still infertile
A few friends have made comments about life with infertility after having a baby and how it affects you. I hadn't ever really allowed myself to think about it, as my focus has been on Samantha and getting her here nice and healthy. Now that she has arrived and is thriving, I am allowing myself to consider my life "after pregnancy".
I am still infertile. Having a child doesn't change that fact. I still have issues with ovulating, I still have blood sugar issues, I still have PCOS. While I am very grateful to have my child, it doesn't change my medical diagnosis. Nor does it change my heart.
This is the first month post-partum that I have had a cycle. Doug and I are attempting to delay another child (which just makes me laugh, it's so sad to think of) for health reasons and allowing me to properly heal from the c-section. Because of this, I am monitoring my chart again, which is such a harsh reminder that my body just doesn't work "properly" 90% of the time. Here I am on day 35, throwing up from my metformin, with no indication of ovulation, which of course means no period. I feel defective again. I actually took a pregnancy test this morning again, fully expecting to see one line. Yes, that was the case. Negative. So...not pregnant. Just not functioning either.
I have come to the conclusion that this journey with infertility will never be over even after we decide to stop trying for more children permanently. My heart will be forever impacted by the multiple cycles hope, anticipation and disappointment. The key that I need to find though, is making sure that this impact doesn't harden my heart, but instead opens it to help others in these same shoes.
I am still infertile. Having a child doesn't change that fact. I still have issues with ovulating, I still have blood sugar issues, I still have PCOS. While I am very grateful to have my child, it doesn't change my medical diagnosis. Nor does it change my heart.
This is the first month post-partum that I have had a cycle. Doug and I are attempting to delay another child (which just makes me laugh, it's so sad to think of) for health reasons and allowing me to properly heal from the c-section. Because of this, I am monitoring my chart again, which is such a harsh reminder that my body just doesn't work "properly" 90% of the time. Here I am on day 35, throwing up from my metformin, with no indication of ovulation, which of course means no period. I feel defective again. I actually took a pregnancy test this morning again, fully expecting to see one line. Yes, that was the case. Negative. So...not pregnant. Just not functioning either.
I have come to the conclusion that this journey with infertility will never be over even after we decide to stop trying for more children permanently. My heart will be forever impacted by the multiple cycles hope, anticipation and disappointment. The key that I need to find though, is making sure that this impact doesn't harden my heart, but instead opens it to help others in these same shoes.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
As the days fly by
As the days fly by I realize that Samantha is nearly two months old. She's doing well, eating nicely and growing like a weed. She smiles occasionally (she's a very serious baby) and will happily play on her playmat and "talk" to her toys.
We did manage to get the rare photo with Daddy this afternoon, so here they are to enjoy! I love watching Doug with Samantha...it makes my heart smile :)
We did manage to get the rare photo with Daddy this afternoon, so here they are to enjoy! I love watching Doug with Samantha...it makes my heart smile :)
Thursday, June 30, 2011
One Month
Today I had a little surprise when I looked at the calendar. My daughter is one month old today. Wow, how time flies! This snuck up on me, and I am startled to admit that I don't know where the month went. It has been such a blur, albeit a happy one.
Samantha now is 21 1/4 inches long, and weighs 8 lbs 7 oz. She's growing appropriately and the pediatrician is happy with her progress. She smiles now and is a happy girl. I am in awe at our miracle daughter and am so happy!!
Here are a few photos:
Also today I received the wonderful news that another of my IF friends delivered her son, Reagan. God is great!!!
Samantha now is 21 1/4 inches long, and weighs 8 lbs 7 oz. She's growing appropriately and the pediatrician is happy with her progress. She smiles now and is a happy girl. I am in awe at our miracle daughter and am so happy!!
Here are a few photos:
Also today I received the wonderful news that another of my IF friends delivered her son, Reagan. God is great!!!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Details, details
Yesterday I had a visit with my Ob-Gyn to check in on my c-section scar and healing. We discussed a bit more of what happened during birth.
Samantha's cord was not properly attached to the placenta, which is why it became dislodged and she began bleeding out in the womb. The condition is very rare, and is called a Velamentous cord insertion. My OB is a high risk OB; he and his partners have delivered over 10,000 babies. Samantha is the second VCI they have seen.
After doing a little research (bad idea) I found that the fetal death rate with this condition is really high. Most babies are stillbirth. I am horrified, yet also realize how insanely blessed we are to have this baby here with us.
So, my little Samantha, Mommy is so happy to have you and thanks God everyday for His many mercies!
Samantha's cord was not properly attached to the placenta, which is why it became dislodged and she began bleeding out in the womb. The condition is very rare, and is called a Velamentous cord insertion. My OB is a high risk OB; he and his partners have delivered over 10,000 babies. Samantha is the second VCI they have seen.
After doing a little research (bad idea) I found that the fetal death rate with this condition is really high. Most babies are stillbirth. I am horrified, yet also realize how insanely blessed we are to have this baby here with us.
So, my little Samantha, Mommy is so happy to have you and thanks God everyday for His many mercies!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)