Reactions

Today when I went to the bank, I did a deposit at the ATM.  The ATM is apparently having issues with transactions involving multiple checks, and it messed up my deposit by $400.  Needless to say, I wasn't happy with that so into the branch I stomped, sleeping baby in my arms.

I had already had quite a morning, between a feverish baby and delays at the doctor's office.  I was attempting to quickly run errands and get Samantha home for a real nap.  Going into the bank wasn't on my list and I think that was clear by the look on my face.

There, I encountered the young woman at the welcome desk who asked if she could help me.  After describing what happened, she replied with "Yes, we have been having problems with that ATM.  It should fix itself at midnight and adjust your deposit, but if not you can call the 800 number on your card."  I saw red instantly.  I reiterated that this wasn't acceptable, yada-yada-yada and really made an issue about it.  If it was a known fact, why wasn't there a sign or something on that ATM?  Why couldn't they fix it?  Why me???

After making a total jerk of myself and stomping out of the bank, I drove home in anger.  I got no more than halfway there and had a harsh realization.  How quick I am to anger.  How quick I am to react to that anger.  And how wrong that truly is of me.  It hit me like a ton of bricks. THUNK...I am very easy to offend.   THUNK...I am even quicker to react to that offense.  THUNK...that young lady was simply doing her job.  THUNK...I owe her an apology.  THUNK, THUNK, THUNK...how often in the past 48 hours can I count reactions just like this one, to both strangers and to those I love whether it be in my head and heart, or spoken aloud?  I was immediately ashamed.

I drove the rest of the way home in prayer.  When I got home and got Samantha snuggled into bed, I made a phone call to that young woman and apologized for my behavior and thanked her for her offer of help.  She said I made her day by apologizing, but oh how horrible I felt that I even created a situation like that.

I started off the year by attempting to focus on finding joy, but I haven't been all that successful lately.  My outburst today shows how quick I am to judge, anger and react.  My heart isn't in the right place, and I pray that I remember this day for a long time.  That I pause before reacting, get my raw emotions in check, and react in a manner that honors God.  Perhaps that will also help me find my joy.